Guide on what to do when something or someone annoys you

To avoid bad feelings, conflicts and name-calling, here is a guide on how to approach someone when you feel uncomfortable with them.

• You approach them nicely. Just mention something like ''Hey, can I talk to you about something for a moment?'' Do not immediately start ranting about what you don't like. It makes the other person feel uncomfortable and attacked;
  

• Mince your words. Even if you are upset, do not use harsh or insulting words and do not curse. We value a nice atmosphere in AoL, and we try our best to solve things in a friendly way. Most of us are adults, which means we should act like one and talk things out normally;
  

• Do not go pointing fingers, tell what it does TO YOU. Do not say things like ''You are rude.'' but try to keep it to yourself, such as ''You come across to me as being rude.''   I know this sounds very formal, but it's the best way to do it in order to reduce the chance of a person feeling insulted. You say how it feels and what it means to you;
  

• Do not interrupt each other. This is pretty clear. Do give the other person a chance and some space in between to reply. A story always has more than one side;
  

• Describe concrete behaviour. If you are being vague about things, it will be hard for the other person to understand what you mean, or to change something about it. So, I suggest using examples a lot;
  

• If it is taken badly or you do not feel comfortable doing this, talk to an officer. We will do our very best to sort things out.
  

For the person being approached:

• Feedback is about your behaviour, not about your personality. Example: You ARE not rude, but you might ACT rude. Feedback is generally used to improve things, not to take you down;
  

• Ask for concrete examples. This will help you understand more what's going on, and avoids miscommunication;
  

• Listen to what the person has to say. Don't reply immediately, give the other person the chance to tell his or her story. Once he or she is done, you can tell what's on your mind (take the above into account!);
  

• If the feedback is too much for you at that moment, then say it. You are free to ask the person to stop because it might get too much for you. Do this while taking the things mentioned above into account.
  

If you have questions or suggestions, do whisper me in game or comment on this thread.