Guide on what to do when something or someone annoys you

by Andrea1704 Mon Sep 01, 2014 2:22 pm

To avoid bad feelings, conflicts and name-calling, here is a guide on how to approach someone when you feel uncomfortable with them.

You approach them nicely. Just mention something like ''Hey, can I talk to you about something for a moment?'' Do not immediately start ranting about what you don't like. It makes the other person feel uncomfortable and attacked;

Mince your words. Even if you are upset, do not use harsh or insulting words and do not curse. We value a nice atmosphere in AoL, and we try our best to solve things in a friendly way. Most of us are adults, which means we should act like one and talk things out normally;

Do not go pointing fingers, tell what it does TO YOU. Do not say things like ''You are rude.'' but try to keep it to yourself, such as ''You come across to me as being rude.'' I know this sounds very formal, but it's the best way to do it in order to reduce the chance of a person feeling insulted. You say how it feels and what it means to you;

Do not interrupt each other. This is pretty clear. Do give the other person a chance and some space in between to reply. A story always has more than one side;

Describe concrete behaviour. If you are being vague about things, it will be hard for the other person to understand what you mean, or to change something about it. So, I suggest using examples a lot;

If it is taken badly or you do not feel comfortable doing this, talk to an officer. We will do our very best to sort things out.

For the person being approached:

Feedback is about your behaviour, not about your personality. Example: You ARE not rude, but you might ACT rude. Feedback is generally used to improve things, not to take you down;

Ask for concrete examples. This will help you understand more what's going on, and avoids miscommunication;

Listen to what the person has to say. Don't reply immediately, give the other person the chance to tell his or her story. Once he or she is done, you can tell what's on your mind (take the above into account!);

If the feedback is too much for you at that moment, then say it. You are free to ask the person to stop because it might get too much for you. Do this while taking the things mentioned above into account.

If you have questions or suggestions, do whisper me in game or comment on this thread.

by Blank De Ratche Mon Sep 01, 2014 2:27 pm

wow, very nice

gonna sticky this one.

by Andrea1704 Mon Sep 01, 2014 4:36 pm

Tyvm sir

by Pseudonym Mon Sep 01, 2014 4:42 pm

Andrea has been taught well.

I will mention that even as adults, it is sometimes very difficult to follow the simple rules Andrea has listed above. Remember that when you are dealing with other people, you never know what has happened to them that day; and for all we know they have had a horrible day, week, or even year. Across hundreds of miles and without being able to see visual clues about the other person through body language, it is difficult to know their true feelings.

Personally, I use mmorpgs to escape my day-to-day stress and therefore withdraw from conflict in game. I will add though, that if anyone truly needs assistance, even though I don't let most people know, I am a trained mediator.

Lastly, remember that conflict always happens in guilds. It is inevitable. How you handle the multitude of personalities in a guild can lead to incredible growth for life.

Thank you Andrea!

by Dragnix Pheodron Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:00 pm

This is fabulous Andrea, and as well Pseudonym... I think this gives a fabulous base line of which to follow that we sometimes forget in that moment of frustration.

by coldivory Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:27 pm

OOOH one more thing if you are approaching the person or being approached about it do take a screen shot of the convo! So that the officers can clearly see what is happening and they dont have to rely on the "he says, she says" but on the facts :3

by The Beau Brothers Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:25 am

coldivory wrote:OOOH one more thing if you are approaching the person or being approached about it do take a screen shot of the convo! So that the officers can clearly see what is happening and they dont have to rely on the "he says, she says" but on the facts :3

by Mutt Mon May 25, 2015 8:13 pm

This one goes back to the other topic, hold your tongue so it doesn't escalate into a bigger issue.

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